I don't know what to feel. I'm jaded, i'm irritate, i'm angry, yet, i'm also very sad. So many conflicting emotions. Angry at myself, angry at my situation. Yet helpless in many ways, due to the nature of my location, and also the nature of the Army, all in all, the nature of my situation.

Yet, i cannot blame anything else except myself. I caused this. I made a decision i'm starting to regret. But i cannot change my mind. I'm too ashamed, and i'm also too jaded because i'm stuck in between. I hate choosing, because i want everything. I'm also willing to throw away everything.

But now, i look back...

I wasn't sure. We were happy, i was happy other than the fact that i couldn't meet my female friends without her, and i hardly had any time alone. I enjoy her company, but suddenly i see my friends disappearing.

I'm just selfish. I feel like crying.

18 days left till my reappearance in singapore. Thats if nothing goes wrong. I should set everything back in place. I should make everything be right.

if you wondered why i don't want to bring you on outings with my female friends, thats because sometimes we will talk in a way that you might not like, i shouldn't have to restrain myself when i'm with my friends right? Yet, they're just friends. No matter. Now you know.

i don't know what i want now. conflict. somebody tell me what to want. sms/tag/email.

But i wonder if people are still trying to visit the xiew.blogspot.com . Oh well, no way of informing the uninformed now.

If i had a rifle and rounds now, i'd go shoot kangaroos.